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In the previous section we talked about how one small change leads to another and how an improvement in one area of our life gives us a choice to improve another. Once we get into motion it is quite hard to stop all the changes we initiated. This snow ball effect can be applied to anything. Well, try to stop a train that is moving 100km/h... you need a lot of energy and time to even slow it down quickly. This law applies even to negative things in your life. If you are spiralling down in your life, you will attract more and more “bad” things that will drag you faster and faster where ever it is you are heading. If you fall down and sad you are likely to get sadder and even depressed unless you use some force to stop or reverse this process.
What actually makes us change our life circumstances? Well, that will be different for everyone. We tend to go through cycles in our lives so if you are right at the bottom of the wheel or just coming down you are not likely to make things better, it really doesn’t matter what you try. Depending how quickly this wheel is turning you will find yourself in a rut for days, weeks, months or even a few years, but believe me, what goes down will go up eventually. Time of sadness, loneliness or decreased motivation will be eventually replaced by the opposite. Some people think that when the pain gets too much we start to change – maybe – sometimes but not always. I believe that as the pendulum swings from left to right, when its time, it will come back to the right. If you try to interfere, you might stop the clock...
Instead of worrying about how to initiate change you should be in peace with whatever is going on in the moment. It’s only through the present moment will you realise what you need to focus on. Everything that is going on in your life (even when it seems to be totally nothing) is there for a reason (even nothing). Time away from all that stuff that is going on outside of your home might be useful to recharge your batteries and get ready for a new cycle of “goodness” coming into your life. So enjoy it. I know you might say: “How can I enjoy this life when there is absolutely nothing exciting going on?”; “How can I enjoy this when I am broke and no one wants anything to do with me?” Well trust me it’s there for a reason, so sit with it and process all that is going on internally. Looking back you might find that this was the best time of your life for emotional healing and building deep structure and foundations to handle and see life in a very different and healthier way.
Even in the case of sudden changes this cycle of life still applies. Some people might seem to change basically overnight, this is only because the process of turning the wheel practically ripped them out of the place they got stuck in. Imagine being attached to a rubber band – as the wheel turns the rubber band stretches more and more until it gets to the point where it can’t stretch anymore and it either snaps or forces you out of your comfort zone. = 45 year-old overweight man, will either die of a heart attach (snap) or change overnight (stretched to the max and he moves).
The most important thing to remember if you want to change anything in your life is to listen to yourself. If it is physical change you are after, you should listen to your body, if it tells you not to eat that second burger and chips, don’t eat it... If you want to change your emotional response, listen to your emotions. If you want to feel better about yourself, listen to your mind and what are you saying to yourself. LISTEN!
One thing is to hear what is going on for you and the other thing is actually following this inner voice. Not many people do.
Another very important aspect that might fuel change is WHY. If the time for change seems to be right, either because you can’t fit in the car or your doctor is telling you that your heart won’t take much more; ask yourself why do I want to change? In this case: Why do I want to live? If you don’t listen to all those messages... SNAP..!
It doesn’t have to be only about your health it could be work related. Is your boss acting differently towards you all of the sudden? Well you might be paranoid or he is plotting something against you...... or..... If you listen to those subtle signs you might even find a new job in time and save yourself a lot of trouble.
SO WHY THEN?
Let’s face it. If you wanted the change so much, you would have already made proper arrangements and started moving. I read this in online forums all the time. People complaining and whining about their lives, telling everyone “how much they want to change” – yeah right... if they wanted to change they wouldn’t say: “...and don’t tell me to just do it...” before even giving you the chance to even answer. I am sorry to break the news to you all, but there is really nothing more to it. JUST DO IT pretty much sums it all up. The question is what do to and how to go about it? At this point you should start asking WHY?! Why do you want the change so much? Write those whys down now!!! Your five year old son asking you to play ball in the park might be one of the whys; seeing yourself without income might be one of those whys too.
WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK?
If you want to change something it’s always helpful to try to find out what is it that is holding you back? It might be nice and cosy within your comfort zone but it is not doing you any good. Sitting in front of the TV every night filling your head with silly shows will take your attention away from your problems but won’t change anything.
So what is it? Is it just your laziness, your bad habits, lack of energy or some of your so called friends telling you that you are OK..
WHAT ARE MY EXCUSES?
Excuses are just one of the common things that might be keeping you from getting some positive energy into you life. It might be anything from: It’s not worth it. This is who I am. Why should I change nobody cares anyway! It’s just too hard. I don’t know how. It’s too complicated .... Our mind does an amazing job inventing thousands of excuses. Maybe you should turn it around and come up with a thousand reasons why you should start improving some areas in your life.
WHAT AM I GETTING FROM THIS SITUATION – EGO GAME – self sabotage
Many of us love whining and winging – complaining gives us a feeling of satisfaction, it defines us, we get sympathy from others and our ego strives on it. So just get out of your head and stop that nonsense. Complaining never helped solve a problem, the decision and action on the other hand did.
more about ego in other articles
MENTAL CAUSES – BELIEFS and mental HABITS
Your beliefs and habits play a major part in who you are. Changing them might be one of the most challenging tasks you will ever face. Some are good and some are bad. You should change only the bad ones and keep the good ones. Brushing your teeth every morning would count as a good habit that serves you very well to preserve your health. Turning on the TV as soon as you get home might not be so beneficial to your mental and physical health. Your belief that you are a strong and mature person serves you well and makes your interaction with people easier. Another belief of seeing yourself as weak and incapable to communicate will probably keep you home and feed that habit of TV staring even more.
read more about habits, beliefs and how to change them in other articles
EMOTIONAL CAUSES – NEEDS AND FEARS - WHAT AM I SCARED OF?
Again, some needs are good and some are bad – same can be said about fears. Your emotional needs for example, if not fulfilled properly might have a negative effect on other areas of you life. Emotions like anger and sadness might indicate that a lot of your needs are not met. Fears on the other hand if not dealt with might result in addictions like overeating, overspending, drinking or complete passivity and non-action.
read more about needs, fears and how to handle them in other articles
SO HOW TO CHANGE?
As was said earlier, first you need to actually admit to yourself you need a change and you want to change. Once there is a desire to bring changes into your life the battle is half won. Now you just need to make a decision and take the appropriate steps to find out what is in your way and then remove all of those obstacles one by one. Then as you clean away the clutter, fresh air will come in and everything will become easier.
Have you ever got to the point that your house or you room became so messy you couldn’t find the energy and time to clean it? After a few hours of thinking about it you made a decision to just clean up. You started moving things and suddenly everything started to look better and at the same time your energy increased and in couple of hours the whole house was clean and you just wondered how you just pulled that off. Well, that is exactly what has to happen if you want to clean up your life. Start removing all that garbage from your mind and in a few weeks or months you will start to see changes. One thing leads to another. Try it. Just do one thing now and then the next and the next one... One step at a time. You can’t clean the house in an instant either.
HOW CYCLES HELP YOU CHANGE
In the beginning of this article we mentioned cycles, take a few moments and look at the FIG2-1 it might make it easier to grasp what is about to follow.
Previously we compared our life to water ripples – these circles formed by dropping a rock in a pond are not 3 but 4 dimensional. One part is time, the second is what segment it relates to (example: health), the third is the actual quality and size of this segment (how well it’s developed) and the forth dimension represents its current state = cycle.
Cycles are something that everything goes through. Nature goes through seasons. Day – night is another type of cycle. Even our bodies go through different stages during one day. Our energy fluctuates, some of us being more energetic in the morning and others in the afternoon.
These cycles apply to any area of our life, and to make a long story short.. I would look at the pictures... try FIG2-1 if you haven’t already.
Now what happens if you try to go against the natural flow of the cycle or you just try to be in one spot? Eventually you will give away under pressure only to find yourself exhausted and weak. Trees don’t try to fight nature and bloom in the winter, have fruit in the spring and drop leaves in the summer. They just go with the flow. So should you. It will make your life easier even in the difficult times.
FIG2-2 explains up and down trends in life cycles. Up trend means that your life is improving – spiralling up; down trend means the opposite – your life is getting worse. If you look at the picture you notice what makes your life better and fuels the positive change and the second picture shows all those things we spoke about earlier – all the ones that make your life difficult.
So for sure our life moves in cycles but we have a CHOICE to influence overall trend.
The next picture on the same page shows the overall picture of an ideal life. The trend is up until the point we start to get older and our bodies stop functioning properly, which is of course a natural process. When this curve reaches the bottom we either die or are resuscitated in the hospital and bounce back for a few more years.
To sum it all up if you want to bring changes into your life you should follow these basic steps:
know what to change,
make a decision to change
know why- desire,
know what is in the way,
take action – step by step
Related articles: Change Your Life Series – Basic Model of Life - Part 1 |
