For years I’ve been hearing these words from people that I really should have been paying attention to. From books, teachers and sages who have been through the mistakes that I was about to make, from people I respected and people who were trying to help me avoid one of the most painful and devastating experiences that I was about to live through.

We all have our little fantasies, and we all have our quiet personal dreams, the ones that we keep to ourselves and store in the vault of our minds and quietly develop over the years that we walk this earth. You all know what I’m talking about, those little dreams about your perfect lover, perfect job, or perfect life, it’s those quiet creations that we build in the silent corners of our minds that tend to be the most powerful tools that we have to aid in our manifestation. Now if we keep in mind that the law of attraction is playing out constantly throughout our lives, its in play 24/7 and its reacting to our conscious and unconscious thoughts and yes especially to the vault that you continually update with what it is that you truly want in life. The law of attraction is fuelled by where you place your focus and the time you spend giving energy to that image or idea.

For me it was simple, for me it was a partner, a partner in life, a partner in growth and a partner in creation and that one unique person warts and all that enriches and heightens every experience you could possibly attain throughout your existence. After twenty plus years I had come as far and experienced as much as I possible could while walking the ‘loner’ path. I had achieved a lot, not all positive but all substantial and all significant and I did not until now regret a thing, however that longing for connection was beginning to build and began growing in depth and growing in strength to the point that I had no choice but to finally ask myself what it is that I truly wanted now. You all know what I’m talking about, that ache you get when you desperately want to share, give and love all the diamonds that this short life has to offer. After years of hit and miss with women and relationships I had consciously and partly unconsciously developed a mental picture of my perfect partner. The vision was unusually clear and detailed so much so that I had trouble believing in the truth of it. From the shape of her nose to the arc of her back, to the colour of her beautiful eyes, that ever so slight tomboyish approach to life, that quirky sense of humour and especially that explosive and passionate personality that seemed to effortlessly stimulate my psyche as well as that passion and strength that fuelled my constant need to become more than I currently believed myself capable of becoming, if for nothing more than just to simply honour her.

At the time for me it was kind of a game, developing this mental picture of the woman that I ached for, while not once did I ever realise how much focus and energy I had actually put into developing and maintaining this image. This was my first mistake, playing games with the universe in retrospect is never a good idea because she will always have the last word (and yes the universe must be feminine as no male has the intelligence to be that ironic). The reality as I see it now was simple, whatever you can dream you can achieve. As a matter of fact the only thing that you can truly achieve throughout your life is whatever it is that you dream of. Not once did I ever consider (even after being told multiple times) that the image I had created was only half of the complete picture. The pieces must fit together. The most dangerous thing we currently face especially in today’s manic rat race society is what it is that we don’t know, we don’t know. And because it was such a game and such a fun game at that, I had never stopped to consider the seriousness and commitment that this vision could potentially contain. When it comes to dealing with the lives of others and their emotions and desires a significant amount of responsibility and realism must be employed, naively I assuming that a perfect life partner once manifested will complete the world and create the life you’ve always dreamed of is nothing more than a great recipe for pain. Damn was I in for a shock.

Although I considered myself a good person, my flawed humanity and lack of respect for responsibility throughout a few of my many years had left me with a conditioning of selfishness and self indulgence. It had left me disconnected from not only myself but from others and the result was walking though life hollow. After a painful year of honesty I chose to step into a journey of reconstruction and began to spend time reconditioning the person I knew I once was, while focusing on creating the person I truly believed myself capable of becoming. And so finally stepping into the woods, still negatively conditioned yet consciously committed to fight this battle and win a battle to take back control. So why then would the universe mock me by dropping into my life at that moment the woman that I had spent my entire creating and dreaming of? The nose the eyes the detail inside and out, left no doubt that here she was. And the timing could not have been worse, certainly not at my best, actually in a state the worst I have ever been, here she was.

I mean come on, I’ve got my head together... on the path... I’m building... give me a break here, at the very least give me some breathing room to plant my feet before you rip the rug out from under me once again, again proof the universe must be primarily feminine.

This was the key that I had missed in all those lectures and this was the key that would become my seriously painful undoing. Everyone is riding the flow of their own river of life and time is the most precious thing we have, so when you know what it is that you want, remember you must draw yourself into alignment with it without delay or accept the fact that your only other option will be waving to it as it flows past you. This became one of the hardest and sharpest lessons of my life.